its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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