After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
