Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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