just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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