I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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