I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
