I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
