I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A+ Viking dick
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
