i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
