remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
