How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
