She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So many bounce houses so little time
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize