I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
