she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
