jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
