Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
