I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
