When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
