I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
