I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
