Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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