id be glad to
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
