i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
