So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
