he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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