oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
