my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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