There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
