Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
