Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
