Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize