Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
