I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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