So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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