end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
