I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
