I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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