: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
