U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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