I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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