So drunk its hurt
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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