So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Randomize