cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
