Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
