Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
