I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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