if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
