Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
