just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
