ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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