Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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