I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
