I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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