just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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