I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You pole danced in your parka.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
