can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
