i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
