It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
