I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
