There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
