I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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