see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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