I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
