He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What drink are we having for lunch?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
