Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
