There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
