Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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