At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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