That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
