Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
