There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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