She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
