I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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