Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize