dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
