just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
