I heard we made out
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
they need to just BURY HIM!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize