Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
