I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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