ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
