Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
