dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
