yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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