First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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