I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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