why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
