I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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