This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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