I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
