I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
