my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i believe in u and ur pee
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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