Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
