WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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