there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
