i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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