Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
