So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
