so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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