Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize