My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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