I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
