my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
