I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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