I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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