just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize