Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
