It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
