were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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