I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
