Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
